the yoke's on me.

I couldn't resist writing something on this.

It all started Saturday at PCC, where actor Jim Caviezel, who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ," was scheduled to speak this past weekend. He got the flu, we got to hear PT and it was awesome.

I needed PT much more than I needed Jim Caviezel.
PT talked about "blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." And meek does not equal weak. Moses was meek. And Jesus was meek. And meek back in those days meant a quiet strength, exercised with control. Kind of like, say, doing what you know needs to be done because it's right and good and despite the difficulties you will embrace the task.

Tim explained it so much more clearly. He said it was willingly surrendering to the fact that God is indeed "driving the bus.' You accept that, and you let it be. And you let it be so well that that is the way you choose to live your life. It is strength and acceptance.

PT went on to talk about being "yoked to Jesus." So clearly he explained how in the days when oxen were used to work the fields, farmers would yoke two oxen together, because together, it was so much easier to get things done the right way, the first time.

The picture in my head was so clear as I listened to him. Instead of whipping around alone, in a state of confusion, you can yoke up with Jesus, and the tasks of everyday life get done the right way the first time, with so much less energy and worries. Together is inherently better than going it alone.

I am the type of person, who can "get" a visual idea so much easier than one only explained with words.

And while I might not pay much attention to that yoke on a daily basis, it is so comforting to know it is there and ready to help me make it through life's trials and tasks.

Together is better.

holding it together while letting it go.

The nice white-haired clerk at Walgreen's knew I had asked the manager for cardboard boxes for packing. So when I checked out and paid for the packing tape I purchased she asked so kindly, "So, where are you moving to?"

The tears came out of nowhere and I managed to choke out, "I really don't know yet. It's a long story, but I can't stay in my house for much longer."

Like any decent grandmother would, she nodded and wished my luck as I hurried to the door of the store, embarrassed that I had let my emotions leak to a complete stranger.

I went back home where my girlfriend Colleen was washing light fixtures and windows for me. Together we began the process of putting away my personal belongings in anticipation of trying to sell the house I had hoped to never move from.

I will take the good with the bad. In a lot of ways, the house, as Chrissy described, had a death happen in it. I never really intended to live here forever after the divorce, but I suppose part of me had wished I might be able to.

Lucky for me, Colleen is much better at making decisions about what to keep, what to give away and what would find a home wherever the girls and I land.

Later, I had a visit with the good doctor and I continued to weep like a baby. He didn't mind, but he also suggested I just let it out and let it go, since it wouldn't be in my best interest to sit on that pity pot for too long, lest it become my new aversion technique to the issues at hand.

Wisely, I agreed.

He also offered some sound advice. That the path I take to get to where I am going is much less important than where I eventually end up. So, like most things, there is no right or wrong way to go about it, but the object is to definitely find myself in a much better place. Physically and emotionally.

I've never had much faith in myself to do anything.


Right now might be a real good time to start.

capturing the spirit of the soul.

When I set out to start my portrait business, I didn't really know what to expect.

I knew I had the skills to take good photographs, and I had enough knowledge about handling a business.

I had a few definite ideas about what I wanted: I knew that I would use my name for the business. I knew I would take a photojournalistic approach to my portraits. And I knew I wanted to take the type of childhood photographs that the child, once grown, would be thrilled to have hanging in their home:

A moment, frozen in time, that captured his personality and spirit.

I expected to learn on the job, which I have. But nothing quite prepared me for the magnitude of the lesson I learned recently.

I do a lot of regular work with my friend Shannon at Drama Queens in Mokena. DQ is the place of a little girl's dreams... a house filled with seemingly endless racks of dress-up clothes, shoes and accessories, where she and her friends are limited only by their imaginations and how fast they can change outfits.

When I first started doing photographs there, it seemed like non-rocket-science type of work. I mean, really. How hard would it be to take a few snaps of cute little girls in dress-up clothes?

And then, something else evolved.

In the process of meeting hundreds of little girls over the past few months, I realized, that even when it first went unnoticed, as I sat down to take their portrait, every single one of those little girls, whether younger, older, shorter, taller, bigger, smaller, are absolutely beautiful to behold.

Part of it may be the magic and excitement of the day lighting up their eyes. Part of it could be that they are able to dress in sparkly gowns and high heels and big hats.

But mainly, it's their inner beauty that shines through, every single time.

This past weekend, I did portrait work that was not altogether different.

My subjects were adult women and men, who were attending one of the events presented by Cache' Connections, an online dating service for Christians. These participants were kind enough to entrust me with taking their portraits at two separate events, one at Parkview and the other at Calvary Church in Naperville.

Like the little girls at DQ, the grown-ups came in different ages, sizes, colors and shapes. And while at first glance, they may have appeared to be "ordinary," the camera in my hands told me otherwise. These people were truly beautiful.

It's not as though I haven't felt extremely blessed to do the kind of work I do. I always have. But this type of photography is different.

The people I photograph have trusted me to honor and respect them through the portraits, and I am honestly humbled by that. The gift of this work has transformed me with an incredible lesson.

Not only does true beauty comes from within, but all of God's children are truly beautiful to behold.

the value of a hug.

I want to hug and be hugged more.

From Jessie's regular demand, "I want a HUG!" ...to my friends at church, to those friends I simply haven't seen in awhile, you just can't underestimate the power of that simple act of affection.

I went to Divorce Care last week, and left realizing I had hugged no one. I was late getting in there, and I guess, rushed to leave. But the usual hugfest just didn't happen. And when I thought long enough about it, it made me just a little sad.

Human contact is so necessary on a daily basis, and when you are struggling, it becomes a need that can heal, lift a spirit and repair some damage all at one time.

And as the world gets more digital by the day, and when regular contact with friends and family becomes easier yet so less personal, I forget that a gesture so easily done can mean so much. Even when you don't realize it.

Go ahead and hug it out.

You'll be so glad you did.

borrowing from FB for all non-FB'ers.

That's FB as in Facebook. Yes, it's a time waster. Yes, it's addictive. Yes, I totally love it!

The friends, the status updates and the instant connections.

It's like electronic high school, but better.

There was this viral thing going around last week called, "25 Random Things About Me." You get a tag from a friend and you're supposed to write your own version and post it to 25 more friends, and so on. It's been fascinating reading what others have written and finding out things from the silly to the serious to the downright scary.

Absolutely awesome.

It was also kind of cathartic for me as well. Like a popular psychology experiment, you start with a single thought and then move on from there, recording what comes to mind. It all kinda goes together, but not really.

If you haven't done this on FB, I recommend the experience. Here's mine. In absolutely no particular order:

1. I want to get a dog: a brown, smallish, already-trained girl shelter dog, so we can name her Dee Brown.
2. I really love the work I do, but the situation we are up against makes my job kinda suck.
3. I learn something new every day.
4. My daughters are sometimes much wiser than me.
5. If I could run away to a deserted island I already know who I would take with me. They know who they are. And I would bring only my iPod and camera and live naked and happy.
6. The four years I spent at U of I are still my best four years to date. I sometimes wonder if that will ever change.
7. I love bacon and watermelon, and could live solely on those two things.
8. I wouldn't trade lives with anyone I know.
9. I would really love to be Michelle Obama's personal photographer. She is totally cool.
10. I am jealous of no one.
11. I am a born-again Christian.
12. Sometimes I don't act Christian-like at all. I am working on that.
13. I swear like a truck driver and probably should work on that as well.
14. I would die if anything bad happened to my girls.
15. I wish I had played competitive softball as a kid.
16. I don't like to fly, but I am going to Ireland in March, and it's the only way to get there.
17. My favorite colors are navy blue and orange, and I make no apologies for it.
18. I slept with a night light until I was in high school.
19. I crack my knuckles.
20. I almost drown once, while on vacation in Cabo San Lucas.
21. I am legally blind without my glasses.
22. I love my Toyota Prius, and I do feel superior while driving it. Yes, I do.
23. I never voted for either George Bush or Rod Blagojevich, and I am very, very proud of that.
24. If I won the lottery, I would pay for all my nieces and nephews college educations. I would also buy resort property in Michigan and run an American Plan resort for families.
25. My biggest wish is to one day be filled overflowing with joy for absolutely no reason at all.