finally.

How do you finally face the fact that you tries to help, but never even had a chance with someone who can't be helped?

That for almost half of your life, you thought by being kind and patient and good and tolerant that things would get better. That somehow, some way, by being an example, magically, the other person would finally see what you had pleaded for and fought about so hard, for so long, that it almost destroyed you, and most certainly destroyed "us."

I figured out that it's when enough is enough. When it hurts more to allow things to stay exactly as they are, than it does to do something completely different. When you are finally ready to risk being hurt, failing and accepting change, then you finally face that fact head on.

Yes, Dr. KA. I get it now.

The X pushed himself over the edge of my cliff of tolerance this past week.

It wasn't any different than the many scenarios I had faced over the past 15 years.

I disagreed with something he wanted to do. He didn't like it. He started off reasonably enough, pleading his case, then quickly moved on, reminding me that I was ruining his life.

Then the emails came. Cruel, crazy emails, one after another.

I answered the first one. Calmly and rationally explaining why I felt the way I did and that was it. Done. Finito.

A couple more arrived in my inbox. I hit the delete button and went to bed.

The scenario is the same. He rages, he spews, and then he's done. Everything in his world returns to normal, and I am left wondering what happened, scarred again from the verbal and emotional abuse that is so familiar.

He's not doing it anymore. I decided that night it was the very, very VERY last time.

I've said it so many times before, but this time, I felt the conviction rise from my toes to my shoulders.

You stop being the victim when you stop allowing someone to victimize you.

This is very different for me. I always, always, always held out hope that things could be different. Better. Calmer. At least civilized.

It's never going to happen. And I am done trying.

Finally.