moving from 9 to 10.

The book club meets every other week as a large group, and alternate weeks as a small group.

We are a fairly tight bunch, having known each other for over a year, and spending a good amount of time around each other. We have enough in common to bond, having met in Divorce Care at church.

An exercise this weekend in the big group asked each of us to rank how open we feel we are as a group, on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being completely open. Our discussion, taken from Soul Revolution, by John Burke, centered on being honest, being exactly who you are, and not hiding a part of yourself to make a relationship really work the way God intended it to.

It requires a lot of trust, we decided, to obtain that kind of intimacy.

Most of us ranked our group an eight or a nine. One jokester (Jackster) rated us at an 8.5.

The numbers speak for themselves. But did it reflect our perception, or what actually transpires at our bi-weekly get-togethers?

I mean, how well do you really know those you feel closest to in your life? Do you have the type of relationship in which you really, truly are free to be exactly as you are, and still be loved?


If not for the past year of group talk therapy and friendship, our numbers likely would have been much lower. We have spent the past year baring our souls, and in turn, blindly trusting those who share a common denominator: what should have been the most important, loving relationship of our lives ended up really, really hurting each of us.

We all carry our experience personally. We all made decisions based on the circumstances we faced, or continue to face. We all bear individual responsibility for our words, thoughts and actions.

But can I readily admit to anyone every shameful detail I possess? Do I need to? At what point does someone decide complete honesty is necessary to a relationship?

When you really, truly love someone, and you share exactly who you are, what if they decide they can't love you back?

When is that brutal honesty worth the risk?

I wish I had the answer to that. And while I think a "9" is a great place to be, a "10" would really be off the charts.

Don'tcha think?