and I will be free, indeed.

Life sometimes bears down with a heavy hand.

Sometimes it makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes I feel like throwing up.

The money. The job. The house. The boss. The relationships. It's f-in exhausting.

I currently average about nine hours of sleep a night and still, I am beyond tired. What is the deal with that?

I am looking forward to church this weekend. It's my first Easter as a believer, which illuminates the meaning of the season 1000 times. PT's sermon two weeks ago made my heart hurt. But in a good way. Meaning, I think it was supposed to.

He talked about Jesus' last words on the cross. The unspeakable pain he felt. The humiliation and suffering he endured. For me.

For me.

I need more faith. I need to believe more that these silly problems I face are just that. Silly.

Sometimes I feel like God is looking at me and shaking His head, saying, "Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie. Why do you spend so much time on these little piddly-ass problems? Don't you know that I have it all under control? For you.

For you."

Why is it so hard to release everything to the cross and be free, indeed?