i heart my miserable life.

At least that's what Dr. Kickass told me today.

I enjoy meeting the low expectations I have set for myself. I have no real desire to change. I am comfortable with status quo. It's what I know, and all I expect.

And that was probably just the first 10 minutes.

The problem is, is he right?

If he wasn't so entertaining in how he delivered that message, I probably would have burst into tears. However, I tend to take myself much less seriously these days. I laughed, agreed with him and then got angry.

I am not sure if I was angry at him (he doesn't care) or myself. Probably more at myself.

I hate when people who act like they know everything actually do.

So then he tells me I believe, for exactly one hour a week on the Costco love seat in his office, that I want to do things differently. Be better to myself. Expect more. Rid my life of the chaos I create daily, which is the source of my constant exhaustion.

I try to argue, but I realize he's right. I am content with the status quo. I do nothing to improve on the very situations I bring in to talk to him about every week.

"I want to change," I tell him.

"No you don't," he says.

It's Easter. A time of new life, of a renewed promise. Can I hold myself responsible for the change I so desperately need? Can I honor God the Father, who wants so much for me to have the fullest life possible?

"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

I read that verse this morning, about 4 hours before my appointment on the Costco love seat.

Sounds like a really good place to start.