don't let the door hit you in the ass...

It's that night. New Year's Eve.

Turn the calendar page. Start fresh. Opportunity awaits.

Even though it's largely symbolic, it's a great time to say, "So long, sucker!" to 2008.

I am not sad to see this year, the worst on record for me, get the hell out of dodge.

Passing into a new year is a great time to re-evaluate and stay focused on better times ahead: emotionally, physically and financially.

There are no guarantees. Never are. But I do think by writing down concepts now and being able to review and adjust throughout the year is a great way to stay on track.

So I am just going to make a promise to myself to keep healing. To keep trying to do better and be a better person. A better mom, a better friend. A better Christian.

I will improve my health and make all that entails a priority.

I will read more, write more and listen more.

I will take more risks, be more open-minded to new experiences and try not to look backwards quite so often.

I will enjoy the gift of life to the fullest extent possible.

No guarantees. But the quickest route to failing is to never even try.

Happy, amazing and wonderful 2009. I am glad to have you along for the ride.

being alone vs. being lonely.

I've decided I am not so good at being alone.

The girls are with their dad this week and I went into panic mode on Sunday, home from work with absolutely nothing that had to be done. Quite honestly, I didn't know what to do with myself.

I ended up falling asleep reading a book on the couch at about 7:45 PM. Then, I woke up at around 1AM to get myself into bed, and had the "toilet episode." A broken toilet, overflowing buckets of toilet water. It was awful. But at least it was something.

My friend Bob fixed it up for me the next day, as soon as I called and yelled "help" into his cellphone. You cannot put a price on a friend who also happens to be a plumber.

It's all better now, and I have officially settled into this weird, post-holiday hangover-funk that I can't seem to shake.

It's a weird time of the year for me, and I am seriously wondering if it ever won't be.

I'm from a big family, went to a giant high school and even bigger college. The only time I lived on my own was very, very briefly after college. Other than that, there's always been roommates, and then kids.

I know everyone will tell me, "Enjoy the quiet!" And sure enough the kids will be back driving me crazy before I know it.

But for now, this post-holiday stress disorder kinda sucks.

I am going to have to work at getting comfortable in my own skin, after a lifetime of never having been.

I guess it's about time.

the meaning of Christmas.

Sometimes it takes a few hours or days to put things into a meaningful perspective. Like the holidays.

How was your Christmas?

I was asked that by many over the past 48 hours or so. I don't know exactly how to answer it. Truthfully? It was happy, sad, ironic, disturbing, fun, lousy and wonderful.

Now, I know I should pick out the good adjectives and toss the rest aside, but we're being honest, right?

The meaning of Christmas for me this year comes at a time where I am beginning to understand the life of Jesus and my place in His story. From that angle, it is a wonderful, amazing and interesting journey.

Being a mom, I treasure the panda bear dangly earrings given to me by my youngest, and the light-up mom key chain from my oldest.

As a sister/daughter/aunt/ex-wife, the time spent with the family was joyous but not without issue. God gives you this family, and maybe it's to test you. Or maybe it's just a really funny joke. I haven't, however, found the punchline yet.

As a friend, I am blessed a thousand times over. The gifts from you are emotional, spiritual and tangible.

The best moment of my Christmas came from sleepy Jess, who was curled up in bed with Bitty baby snuggled under one arm. "You're such a good mom to Bitty," I told her, just as her eyes opened enough so that I could tell she was awake.

"You're such a good mom to me, " she said.

And that was the very best gift, ever.

traditions.

It's hard getting through the holidays for most. Of course there's all the cool stuff you get to experience; the girl's excitement topping the list. But let's face it, even the most calm, rational beings can have issues this time of year.

It's important for me to have a common base in my house for Christmas. Especially when so much has happened this year. It's nice to rely on our traditions to keep us grounded in what's really important.

We got a great tree this year. It was $14.95 at Home Depot, and it's a beauty. Taking out ornaments are like visiting with old friends. Most have memories attached. During the separation last Christmas, it was hard to face some of those ornaments. This year, with those safely packed away, decorating was much simpler.

My family comes over tomorrow night. I've been a willing host for about eight years, despite my older sister's best efforts to swipe away the honor. I cling to this event because I truly enjoy it, and it's all the girls have ever known.

I've ordered the pierogi, washed Gram's familiar green Christmas Eve dishes and pulled out the 12 Days of Christmas plates. A tradition of a group sing-a-long started quite by accident those eight years ago, and we do it every year. You pick a plate and that's your verse to sing. It's a hilarious five or so minutes, with really awful singing and a lot of laughs.

Tonight, the girls and I attended Christmas service at Parkview. It was beautiful: a candlelight ceremony, Christmas songs and the lesson of the Christmas story. We celebrate the birth of Christ Jesus simply because He was born to take our sin to the cross, so that we might one day live with him in his Kingdom.

Believe and accept that and you're in. That's definitely a reason to celebrate. And attending the candlelight service is a new tradition begun.

Traditions give continuity to life.

Like thread in a quilt, they run all the way through and hold even the most challenging pieces together.

introducing dr. kickass.

I went to a new therapist today. I've had two therapists in the past 10 years, both women. One moved to New Jersey, and the other I just can't get time to see anymore because of my crazy schedule and her limited availability.

I still think I need to see a therapist, and generally I feel that's a pretty good indication that I should.

I asked for a recommendation from a psychiatrist whose acquaintance I made three years ago, when I was diagnosed with major depression. (I like the major part because it sounds more impressive, though I am not sure if there is actually another kind.)

Anyway, so he gives me the name of one of the therapists in his practice, and today was my first visit.

Now, I love this particular psychiatrist. He's nice, funny and he's been instrumental in helping me with my mental health issues. I want to be fair, so I will say that when he was telling me about this particular therapist, he did say he was probably unlike previous therapists I have encountered.

"If you're looking to sit and chat, well that's not his style," he said. I told him, "Well, if you are recommending him, I was perfectly willing to go with that."

So this morning, I sit down on the small black leather sofa in his office, and ask the therapist (dr. KA) if he wanted my previous doctor's number so he could get caught up on the work I've done, and find out where I'm coming from.

He shakes his head no, and tells me, "Today is today, it's not yesterday."

And, he's not particularly interested in where I've been. He is however, interested in where I'm going.

We're going to talk about the here and now, he told me. Quite honestly. I am here on Wednesdays and Fridays and when I leave, I go home and live my life. This (job) is a very small part of my life, and I don't have time to be calling people to find out what you've been doing the past 10 years.

And that was the first five minutes.

Dr. KA called me out for 55 more minutes. Wanted to know what I wanted out of life, and what exactly I was doing to get there. I'm about empowering, he said. Not about taking money from me for the next 10 years.

I found out pretty quickly he is all about accountability. I was both terrified and fascinated by the questions he fired at me, one after another:

"Why are you here?"
"You say you want to be happy. That's a wonderful goal. Now what exactly does that mean?"
"What are you doing to get there?"
"Do you understand what I just said?"
"Do you know that you will always get the same results if you do what you've always done?"

I found out I'm a "piler." No big surprise there, even though he was talking about emotional piling as much as the actual physical piling that occurs in my house.

And the only way to stop "piling" is to dig out from under all the crap and deal with it, he said.

"You've got so many piles, you don't even know what you've got," he told me at one point.

I walked out of the office with another appointment in a couple weeks.

I'm scared to death.

But in a good way.

joe & deb.

Tonight, I went out with some truly awesome people. My friends from Divorce Care. They are new-ish when it come to friendship, but in some aspects I feel like I've known them forever.

They make me laugh harder than I have in along time. We make jokes, pick on each other and share observations and advice. Most of all, we enjoy each other's company.

Our regular weekly meetings ended two weeks ago. I miss the camaraderie and support I had grown to count on.

When you bare your souls on a weekly basis, you learn a lot about yourself and others. As a group, I like to think we emerged stronger and more hopeful about the future.

Tonight, we got to hear the love story of Joe & Deb. Deb is the DC group leader; Joe is her husband. The pair are celebrating their first wedding anniversary this week.

When Joe joined DC, he was the only guy in a group of 24. After the session ran its course, Joe and Deb ran into each other, and then made plans with others to go out as a group. Eventually, Joe would ask Deb out, and Deb would show up with her girlfriend until she figured out that Joe just wanted to actually "date." The girlfriend stopped coming along, and Joe & Deb fell in love and got married; the second time for both of them.

If only it were that simple.

As Deb told their story tonight, I learned a couple of important things.

First, you never know what will happen.

And, before Joe & Deb got married, they talked. A lot. About everything. And I do mean everything. It was important to both of them to lay it all out on the table.

Then, something Joe said, that Deb swore she'd never forget:

"You know, there are no guarantees."

At best, Joe explained, when you get married, you have a 50 percent chance of making it work.

This wasn't based on divorce statistics or a study, it was just Joe's own keen observation. You can invest yourself in a marriage 100 percent, he said. But you are only one person in a relationship where you are responsible for 50 percent of its success or failure.

Wow, not good odds, we all thought. But absolutely true.

The second time around has the benefit of past experience to learn from. I hope that isn't lost on my friends as they move ahead into new lives filled with new experiences.

But more than that, I hope everyone was listening tonight as Joe & Deb took their turn sharing.

the nice list.

Thank you, Jack Higgins.

Dear Santa,

Please bring something wonderful for all these amazing girls and boys. They have been very, very good this year:

Becky Jess Chrissy&Doug Nagelhout Patti&Ed Smith Nickey&Carlos Mendez Jason Nagelhout Kelcie Nagelhout Kailey Smith Keegan Smith Yoo-Hoo Emma Mendez Sophia Mendez Charlie Mendez Gabi Mendez Lizzie Burbatt Danny Vaughan Billy Burbatt Kelly Vaughan Jodi Craigmile Curt Craigmile Deb&Jeff Marin Cathy Gainer Kris&Marc Morrison Nancy Putman Jack Shaver Jim Durkin Rick Webber Bruce Rigoni Sidney Gibson Jana Wennlund Maureen O'Keefe Bob Cupp Steff Karson Ann Metzger Kathy Basil Debbie&Joe Licatesi Lauren Casey Julie Joann Adams Lyssa Klein Gina&Bill Blouin Mary Hogan Kris&Marc Morrison Barb Germany Naomi Mostyn Linda Kooper Maria&Gary Despaltro MB&Pete Schmit Bill&Fish Carissa Germany Donna Lenkiewicz Diane Tubay Eliza Didomizio Dave Hamby Ma'Nique Moore Noreen Heneghan Jackie Pfrommer Jen Karnezis Becky Juntunen Sheila King SCSW Jenn Shaver Carrie Zakula Lisa Snyder Gina Zoetvelt Olivia Anderson Renee Gorski Mother May I Kathy Carr Karen&Bill Novak Carol&Joe Milkins Sharon Canniff Bob&Leslie Quirk Jacky Osowski Tracy Fushi Toby Adamson Steve Stroz Barb Bohn Karen Mellen John Cherise Piltaver Paul Beaty Ernie Torres Barb&Patrick Gordon The Tuider Family Colleen&Don Loconte Melissa Munroe Rich Hein John H. White Bob Black Brian Jackson Kara Spak Paige Wiser Scottie Stewart Keith Hale Tom Cruze Rich Chapman Carrie Ingraisano MB Rowerstein Michelle Latimer Margo Wooge Stephanie Pote Leigh&Brian DuMais Bonnie Smith Char&Jack Hummel Bob Warner Isobel DeRusha Stefano Esposito MB&Steve Johnson MA MB MC Witry Tracey&Tim Edwards Sue Suchy Tim Harlow Paula Kamen Mike Ramsey Jen Odell Kim Maholy Chris Craven Bob Mazzone Misha Davenport Barack&Michelle Obama Holly Richer Kari&Chris Abrahamsen Jen&Greg Kraft Toby Roberts Kayla Truffa Julie Cassara Faith Damm Courtney Sass Aunt Ann&Uncle John Beth McGrath Denise Cundiff Pam Teutmacher Melissa Slattery Mickey&Wynn Wendt Bob&Carol Mattson Marty Lachat Vance Pomransky Jacqui Cook Lisa Papp Lynn Lode Gina Marie Freeland Tom Behnke Miss Cathy Cheryl Swanson The Blank Family Danny Lachat Denise Boksa Tom Bartuska Jeff Hunter Eilean Zavala Lydia Waid Tom Clark The Buell Family Stacy Walker Jen&Terry Geary Julie Martin Patty Cunningham Rummana Hussein Steve Gohston Scott Josephs Liz Digitale Al Podgorski John Kim Dom Najolia Chris Sweda Steve Patterson Chris Fusco Lisa Donovan Kit Donahue Mary Cory Gram Ponz Bernie Tafoya Craig Dellimore Kuni Takahashi Chuck Berman Jose Osorio Alex Garcia Nancy Stone Jim Frost Brian Kersey Dave Hoekstra Tim Lachat Ches Wajda The Mahonys Linda Martin Kim Whitaker Lisa Houtchens Tony Killea Karyn Purvis Chuck Scott Bill Peters Tara Vranas The Fiene Family Jen Anderson The Metzchke Family Hanna Abusharif The Cholkes Dale Teddy Janet Fuller Colleen McKeever Jolie Becker John Madden Paula Burke Janine&Pat Sullivan Dave Klobucar Anne Ryan Matt Grotto Mary Mannix Paula Ryan Jon Gardner Meg Tebo Carol Slezak Bonnie Trafelet Carol&Bob Garcia

baby, it's cold.

It's (bleepin') cold outside.

The Governor still hasn't made a peep.

Christmas is only nine days away.

Such is life today. I managed to stay indoors most of the day, and then spent a completely enjoyable two hours with my friend Kara, trying to get one of the ex-cons who run the tree lots on the north side of Chicago to talk to us about Christmas tree sales. We almost struck out, but did finally get lucky at a place near Irving Park and the Kennedy. We talked to a mom and daughter who were getting help loading a tree on top of their car, and were able to do the story.

I can't believe I am still able to complain about the cold after 41 years of living in Chicago. But, really... it's merciless today. The kind of day when it's hard to breathe. Imagine if you were Blago, who can't breathe because it's cold outside and because his entire life is crashing down around him.

We took our Girl Scouts caroling today at a senior care facility in Orland Park. We've gone the past few years, and the girls enjoy it. They dress in bright colors and wear Santa hats. They really are stinkin' cute.

The residents really seem to enjoy it as well. With smiles on their faces, they listen to the songs and happily accept a handmade card when it is offered to them. The whole scene reminds me of my Gram, who is always missed, but especially so at Christmas.

Gram always said how much she enjoyed being around her great-grandchildren. Their voices and constant motion never bothered her. She welcomed the break in an otherwise "Groundhog" kind of day.

Tonight, the residents faces lit up as the girls sang. Some sat quietly and others sang along. It was really wonderful to spread a little Christmas cheer to a group of people who are so willing to accept it.

comfort and joy.

My daughter comforted me in my bed last night. I woke her up crying from a bad dream; she asked me if I was okay, told me everything would be all right, and gave me a hug, telling me to go back to sleep. She's only nine, but has the soul of a very old woman.

This morning, we talked about that, and I explained that I was having a bad dream about work and money, and that I had read somewhere that people dream so they can get stuff out of their head and not go crazy in the waking hours.

She kind of laughed, and the explanation seemed to satisfy her. Then we took a run up to the store formerly known as White Hen to get the ever-important cough drops she and her sister insisted they needed.

I am utterly thankful for my girls. The three of us make quite a team, and as I keep allowing them into decisions about our lives, things just seem to be shoring up nicely for our "girl power."

During service at Parkview yesterday, PT talked about Jesus' birth as a baby, "born unto a woman," and how significant the Christmas story actually is.

He reiterated that it was so very important for Jesus to be born just like all of us, to live life as one of us, so that God could feel all the things we feel and truly understand the human experience. Therefore, PT said, Jesus felt pain and sorrow and stress and loss and was sometimes frightened and worried. He did not live a charmed life, but worked and got dirty and did just what we do every day.

Today, I was comforted by the thought that maybe even Jesus might have occasionally woken up crying from a bad dream, only to realize that someone loved Him enough to reassure him in that moment, that everything would be okay.

it's why we do what we do.

It was a random Tuesday. Mostly the unexpected happens like that. Like a geurrilla attack, news of the most startling kind has a way of making the rest of my world come screeching to a halt. As far as I knew, I had a High School of the Week photo at Oak Forest. Like every day, I check in with Ernie on the the desk about 7:30AM to see what's up.

"Status quo?" I asked him when he answered the phone. "Wellll..." he said, "The governor just got arrested."

"You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me," I screamed. Nope, he confirmed. It just happened and the Tribune posted it a few minutes ago.

Then he told me to bip my job at Oak Forest and get downtown.

Like a kid on Christmas morning, I gleefully hurried to OFHS. I shot the kids and was out in seven minutes flat; and that included a short conversation with the assistant SD about the governor.

I spoke with Ernie a couple times in the car, and with the adrenalin flowing, headed to Dirksen Federal Building to join the rest of the horde already gathered there. Over the next couple hours, we waited and listened and waited. We talked, read the complaint and speculated on what would happen next.

This news was huge, by anyone's standards. And even when I never had a chance to shoot a single frame of Rod, it's a complete rush to be part of the story. And sitting there, in the courthouse, I knew people would be reading the paper the next day to make sense of it all. And we at the Sun-Times did a great job of breaking down the details and doing just that.

That is what it's all about.

when your competition contemplates bankruptcy...

and you're completely devastated.

I found out two photographers I admire, respect and genuinely like, were victims of more layoffs at the Trib this week. Despite what people might believe, photographers from both downtown papers generally get along great and are more like co-workers than enemies.

Jim and Milbert are outstanding people. Milbert has a child the same age as my younger daughter, and we always had plenty of notes to compare when, as we say in the business, "saw each other on the street." Jim is one of the finest sports photographers I've ever met. Both are stand-up guys.

I felt like crying when I heard the news. And then, while I can't sleep in these wee hours, I see that the Tribune Company is considering filing for bankruptcy. It's a sign of these very trying times, and the impending end of an era for news in its paper form.

It's a hard pill to swallow for someone whose entire career has been in newspapers. The saddest thing is there are thousands like me across the country, just sitting and waiting for what comes next. And there are people in the business for at least twice as long as me who are close to retirement and counting on a job to make it through the next couple of months or years.

I remember discussing this very issue way back in college in the 80s. My journalism professors at U of I spoke often of the up and coming computer technology with guarded optimism, talking about the enhancing, but possible destructive qualities of the medium.

Back then, it was just a concept, and no one was quite sure how everything would play out. The picture is clearer now, and the news is not good for the papers.

For someone who grew up reading the Sun-Times as the only paper in their Southside home and then actually got to work in the crappy little building on the river, it's absolutely heartbreaking.

So, the news about the Trib is almost as bad as hearing about my own newsroom. The uncertainty of the future is difficult at best. The only option is to hang on and see what happens.

God bless the delete button...

There are times when I am absolutely, without a doubt, certain that the dissolution of my marriage was in my best interest, and the best interest of my kids.

Don't get me wrong. It was painful and horrible and difficult and some days are still just a chore to get through. But overall, these shining moments of clarity let me know that I did indeed, make the best choice I could have.

Without going into details, Jess came home last night decked out in a very shiny gold metallic coat with a fur-lined hood, and a very big smile on her face after spending the evening with her dad.

I uttered a loud, "Hmm..." when I saw her jump out of the car, and not much else was said. Except for Jessie, who proudly announced, "Hi mom, do you like my new coat?" I said I did, the girls said goodnight to their dad and he took off.

The drop-off was followed up with an email later last night:

"Jessie looks like a homeless child most of the time when I pick her up. Her clothes are mismatched, she rarely has socks on and now the jacket. She tells me that she is wearing clothes like this to school and I don't understand."

I'll suffice it to say that I pick my battles with the kids and when Jess wants to wear a particular coat, as long as it's clean and it's not dragging along on the ground behind her, then I don't worry much about it.

I guess that when two people can't really talk to each other the way normal adults do, situations like this are unavoidable. An uncomfortable exchange that is best left in it's electronic form.

The delete button gets pressed and harmful words are gone, returned forever to cyberspace.

As much as I wish that sometimes life had its own "delete" button, I am trying (really hard) to spin the negative into positive these days.

And I'm absolutely positive that when I followed my heart, it didn't let me down.

it's in the way that you look at it.

So I am at work talking to a good friend and colleague about the current state of affairs at my beloved Chicago Sun-Times. The news is not good for us. The paper is suffering through many problems, the worst of which is the failing economy and uncertainty of the newspaper industry's future.

We didn't talk about anything groundbreaking, new or surprising. It was more of a, "aren't you worried... and this really sucks" kind of conversation.

"I'm pretty lucky," they said. My eyes grew wide and I answered, "What!?!"

My colleague went on to say how they've worked at a job they've loved for 25 years, and look... they're still here.

"I feel like I've beat the system," they said. "I mean, I can count on one hand the days I came to work and really didn't want to be here."

I nodded because I understood. They were right. Hardly anyone can honestly say that.

And despite my complaints and rough days, both of which have ebbed and flowed with time, it's absolutely true for me, too.

Where else can I meet politicians and celebrities, sample food from the city's best restaurants and talk to anyone about anything. I've laughed, cried and been scared out of my mind, sometimes all in the same day.

The future is horribly, frighteningly uncertain right now. But as I considered what my colleague said, I figured out that I am also really ahead of the game.

And somehow, I was comforted just by that thought.

i'm thankful for...

God, who never lets me down.
my gift of two extraordinary daughters.
mom and dad, for standing by me no matter what.
my sisters and their husbands, who have reached out and not allowed me to fall.
my nieces and nephews who constantly remind me what's really important.
my extended and extremely wide "friend-family."
my soul sisters. All of them.
friendships, both old and new, that make life worth living.
the Parkview Christian Church Community and Pastor Tim Harlow.
Deb, Joe and Divorce Care.
my Scouts, for teaching me a thing or two.
talent that rediscovers itself every day.
warmth that heats my beautiful home.
angelfood ministries.
drama queens.
jean lachat photography.
the revival project.
a job that provides amazing experiences.
a job that pays the bills.
lia sophia, for the friends and opportunity it has provided.
Barack Obama, the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES!
my Nikon D3.
my Prius, for being part of the solution.
my crackberry.
email, text messaging, and facebook.
smugmug.
my blog.
2008, for being infinitely more difficult than any other year of my life.
the amazing possibilities of 2009.
all the laughter, love, happiness, peace and joy awaiting discovery.

What about you?

like a kid in a candy shop.

It's great having kids around during the holidays. Mine are bouncing off the walls with the prospect of a three-day school week and four-day weekend.

It reminds me of everything that is great about being a kid. They truly take joy in the simplest of things: Thanksgiving feast for Jess and PJ day for Bec. No tests, no homework, and time spent with their cousins.

Their excitement is contagious.

I am not working this Thanksgiving for the first time in years. For that, I truly am thankful. Though I have just a few things to be tended to this weekend, I am excited about seeing my family and actually sitting down with them for dinner, instead of arriving an hour after dinner and eating alone in front of everyone, while they enjoy their dessert and coffee, which has been the norm for me on a working holiday.

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I look back at last year at this time and life was filled with uncertainty and sadness. While I still feel like I am working on getting my act together, this year, I feel much more settled. While life has not been perfect, I have enjoyed more moments of joy than sadness. And for me... well, that is just HUGE!

I hope that the same is true for you this year.

Remember to be like a kid this holiday season.

See the simplest things as cause for a wonderful celebration.

channeling ally mcbeal.

Remember her? Calista Flockhart's neurotic attorney character had more issues than any of us can technically claim.

But that show was fun, and I became a semi-regular viewer because Chrissy & Doug talked about it so much. I even became a fan the late, great Barry White, strictly because of that show.

Ally went through a whole lotta therapists during her time on TV. Some were looser than she was; Tracey Ullman's therapist character I have always remembered. Her "therapy" has stuck with me throughout the past 10 plus years.

The good doctor had asked Ally to pick a "theme song" as part of her therapy, something peppy or bouncy to help her feel better when things got rough. Ally would switch around theme songs, which would then spontaneously play during shows as Ally battled her inner demons, mostly involving her love life.

I always thought that was a pretty cool concept. So as I have fought my own demons in my life, I have thought what MY theme song should be during certain circumstances. To this day, Chrissy and I still make jokes about theme songs.

When things get stressful and she and I are dumping on each other and apologizing in the process (as girls tend to do) saying, "I'm so sorry, I don't mean to unload all this on you..." We say/sing to each other, "You Ain't Heavy, You're My Brother..." and we both crack up.

So, as your "assignment" for this day/week/year, which as I know has been particularly more stressful for some of you, choose a theme song for yourself.

I am going to do some thinking and get back to you on it! Feel free to comment here on your own great ideas!

Have a great week, and a blessed Thanksgiving.

partying like it's 1987.

Wow! That's all I can say about my night...

Hung out with some of my all-time favorite people.

Ate a fantastic dinner.

Then saw Dirty Dancing on stage.

Doesn't get any better than that. MBJ gathered a gift together for my 41st birthday, from many of my wonderful friends, and presented me with a gift certificate for the show.

It was soooo cool. It had all the "cheese" of the original movie, plus extra scenes, a few more songs and a little more character and plot depth than the film version. The dancing was phenomenal, and then I got to have a photo taken with the male lead, Josef Brown, aka "Johnny Castle," while holding a watermelon prop from the show.

I will never forget this night. It was perfect.

Thank you, friends. Again.

maxim, a sales manager and no wedding ring...

... is what Mary and I first noticed as we interviewed a sales manager at a certain auto dealership in the south suburbs today. It was part of our assignment on the horrible economy.

Unknowingly, we both found it ridiculously funny.

"Did you see the Maxim under his desk..." we said in unison while crossing the street back to the lot where our cars were parked.

The manager bore a resemblance to Nicholas Cage, but just slightly and at a certain angle.
In his office, a Maxim magazine featuring "the HOTTEST Bond girl ever," was in plain view.
He was probably in his late 40s and spoke of his son, but he didn't wear a wedding ring.

I love irony.

I asked her if she thought guys noticed wedding rings as much as girls do.

We thought probably not.

We thoroughly enjoyed a good laugh, which is just what we needed at the end of a day of interviews.

And in case you were wondering... yes, the economy does suck.

friends and weekends.

Doesn't that sound like a Paul Simon song?

I had a perfect weekend... packed with my fun work, my girls and absolutely unbeatable fun with friends.

My highlights:

Bears party with my vacation family: Pennellwood cousins, and some of my all-time favorite people, ever.

Hanging out with my Parkview family.

Bowling and laughing till I (almost) wet my pants.
Staying out till 1AM. (when's the last time that happened!?!)
The first snowfall of the year.
Griffy's "guns."
The shamrock game.
Extra money :)
Awesome portrait sessions. (check out the new gallery being posted by tomorrow night!)
The non-threatening Question game.

I love the process of getting to know people better, and the surprises I enjoy as I find out we are all connected... somehow, someway.

I also love planning, which we did for the holidays and the months to come.

On the schedule:

Partylite at She's
Mexican New Year's Eve.
Jack's Texas Hold 'Em. (cupholders included)
Craps.
More bowling.
A weekend in Indiana.
A week in Minnesota.

More great memories in the making.

Planning sometimes makes life's daily struggles seem less significant and less daunting.

I ran like crazy this weekend, from point A to points B, C, D, E and F.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

ready, set, think.

Thanks Nancy for forwarding on these adorable little emails she gets from:

www.tut.com ®.

Check this one out. It's kind of like "The Secret" in e-mail Cliff's Notes. You can sign up to get brief, inspiring messages delivered to your inbox on a regular basis (you pick deliver days).

You will see what I mean when the come to you. They are short, sweet and inspiring.

The one I received today was, "If you don't know what to think, think positive. If you don't what to do, do anything."

I don't want to trivialize the grand concept at work here, but it so obvious, it's deep.

My weekend is shaping up to be chock-full of fun and opportunities. Time with the girls. Time with friends. A couple lia sophia parties. A couple portrait visits. Bowling and the Bears.

Ready, set, go.

Hope yours is positively great, too.

the b. is back!

Back from the Happiest Place on Earth, no one was happier than I to have Patti back within shouting distance of me.

She just laughed as I told her how it "felt like she had died..." (even though Kailey texted me regularly all week.) That I needed to, but didn't, take notes on all the stuff I normally would have told her during our regular 5-7 phone calls a day. That I reached for my cellphone and sadly put it back down, remembering my promise to only call in the event of a real emergency.

Running into "a certain Chicago photographer," warranted a few texts in secret code to Kailey, who read them to her mom, but did not constitute an "emergency." sigh...

"President OBAMA! whoop whoop whoop!"
Another text... sigh...

Anyway, she's back and my life earth has returned on its regular axis, and for that I am thankful. And she's read the blog, the emails and seen all the invites for the next month.

Everyone needs a "Patti." Maybe you have one. The friend who finishes your sentences and you can say exactly one word to and both of you immediately understand all the implications.

Like, "Crafty."

She's my go-to gal who loves all of my friends, and who has stood by me through thick, thin and thick, thin, thick, thick, thick. And hopefully thin again.

This b. loves you!!!

Welcome home!

just another mother of two.

Michelle Obama (oh, and her husband, Barack) were photographed this morning exiting their daughters' school this morning, following a parent/teacher conference.

You gotta love Michelle...

Sweatpants, no make-up. Hair in a ponytail, covered by an Oprah baseball cap. 

That's our first lady!

She looks exactly like I will next Friday when I rush out of the house at 7:55AM to meet with the girls' teachers at 8AM.

How awesome is that? 

I am happy to delight in these small observations while we wait and see what happens in the months and years ahead. This is so cool!

Have a great weekend y'all.

what a day!

What's the mood like in Chicago? MBR texted me today from Ohio to find out how things were going at Obama's home base.

Honestly, it was a lot like when the Bulls were winning championship after championship in the 90s. Everyone was smiling at each other, walking with a light step, and being extra kind

Mayor Daley was positively giddy during a press conference this morning.

It was like a club that we all gained membership to in one fell swoop. Downtown glowed, and the warm weather wrapped it's arms around the City of Big Shoulders. We could feel proud, and hopeful and together.

It was awesome, and nothing could ruin the moment.

Lots of high fives... plenty of positive comments from strangers.

I wouldn't trade November 5, 2008 in Chicago to be anywhere else. Because there is nowhere else I would rather be than where Daley described as, "the city that is the envy of the world."

Home, sweet home.

yes we can. yes we did!

This is so incredible. I try to wrap my head around it. And in explaining to the girls this morning about the significance of a black president, I realized it truly is mind-boggling.

GO BARACK!

Now, after experiencing history, I hope and pray Obama demonstrates the knowledge, intelligence and good judgment to lead this country for all of us in the direction it needs to go.

I feel hopeful, for the first time in a long time about the state of our nation.

Now for the humor...

I had lunch with Michelle Obama when Barack was running for senator. Deb Pickett was doing her "Sunday Lunch with..." column and I went along with her to a restaurant in Hyde Park. Michelle was awesome. Smart, beautiful, funny and in so many ways, the kind of person I would want to be friends with if given the chance.

For lunch, I ordered chicken breast on the bone. It was delivered to the table, and as I stuck a fork in it and went to cut the meat off the bone, the piece of chicken flew across the table. I was totally mortified and apologized immediately. Michelle leaned over and said, "That's why I never order anything with a bone in it."

We all laughed and lunch went on. She was as delightful as she was smart, and I know she will make an excellent First Lady.

Enjoy this week, and the gift of beautiful weather.
Enjoy also this moment in history.

making history.

The first thought that popped in my head this morning when I opened my eyes was, "I gotta go vote!" Like a kid on Christmas morning, I headed up to Mokena Village Hall and did just that, participating in possibly the most significant presidential election in my lifetime.

It was empowering.

Even though I have never, ever missed voting in an election since I was old enough to vote, I just love the process.

I love how my town's Village Hall is a "Village Hall." I love the election judges; retired folks who move at their own pace, oblivious to the other commitments you have for the day.

I love the unsteady cardboard booths, and the fact that in this technological age, I still fill a circle with a pen on my ballot.

It's the ultimate in a democracy, and I am filled with hope that this time, change really can occur and it will occur in ways we as Americans never dreamed possible.

Today I voted for me and for my kids.

I hope you did too.

Jesus is driving the bus and God is my co-pilot.

Or something like that. Patti saw this on a bumper sticker and called me (while she was driving, no less) to tell me she was going to find one for me.

I love the humor in this truth. I spent last evening in the company of my friends from Divorce Care and the Singles Ministry at PCC, and we had a great time. I found out that a few of the guys are "allmysoulsisters" too. And I mean that in the most wonderful way possible. So, a big shout-out to Jack and Rick, thanks for reading!

I am an Evangelical Christian, aka, "born again."

It's easier to say that to myself; harder to say it out loud. It's been an enlightening, spiritual and really wonderful journey so far. I have learned so much, and have been filled with a joy and calmness I haven't experienced in recent memory.

But spending the evening with my PCC buddies makes me realize that I am experiencing something that makes me a better person. It has not taken away from "me," but has just added the understanding that I am "me" because I am a child of God, and I am living the life He so wants me to have.

And when I can go out with other Christians and be throwing back beers, talking about "Weiner Wednesday, " boobs and Chinese donuts, I realized that Jesus can drive the bus, and I am truly along for the ride of my life.

getting satisfaction.

I feel pretty good these days. And I haven't posted in a while, so I guess I was kind of thinking I didn't need my "online therapy," aka, my blog. But I am figuring out that it's good to write about the good stuff too. To constantly be reminded of the blessings you receive every single day in multitude.

I had a fabulous night Friday with the girls and their friends, and moms and Don, as we whooped it up for the HSM3 premiere in New Lenox. There is nothing quite like knowing, in the midst of an event, that you are participating in a night that people will remember for the rest of their lives. The moms talked about when they first saw "Grease" and "Star Wars." Do you remember those experiences? This was kind of like that level of excitement, except I got to scream out loud when Zac Efron appeared on stage! whoop-whoop-whoop!

It was a blast!

But I digress...

My photo business is gaining momentum, and I have kicked off my "revival project," a charitable endeavor that I hope will have a life of it's own and help me to feel very, very good about the gift I possess and the way I choose to use it.

Every month I will devote a few hours (in Chicago, we say "a couple, two, tree") to photographing single moms and their children for a "new-ish" family portrait. I have figured out a few basic truths in the past year:

1. Everyone loves photos of themselves with their kids.
2. Photographs stabilize life and bring great joy to all who surround themselves with them.
3. Single moms need new photos during a difficult time, and their resources can be very strained.

For $25, I will take the portrait, give the mom an 8x10 photograph and donate $10 to the Crisis Center for South Suburbia, a local organization that provides assistance to battered women and children.

I feel very, very good about this latest project. It is a labor of love, and any single mom is welcome to participate whether they are divorced, separated, widowed or never been married.

I am not interested in the circumstances of someone's personal life, but do want to spread the word.

So, do me that favor and let's all get some satisfaction.

Have a great week.

there's no place like home.

So the game outcome was the only slightly less-than-great thing about being back in Champaign this Homecoming weekend. It was a balmy 88 degrees and we were roasting in the upper deck. The girls did great and had fun cheering for the Illini. They love going there, and I love that they do.

I also had the pleasure of the company of my niece, Lizzie, who is thinking about going there in two years to study engineering. Yes, she is both beautiful and smart! Considering I have been gently nudging her in that direction since she was born, no one could be happier!

We made our annual photos by the Alma Mater statue, and she is as beautiful as ever!

The Quad trees are turning red and gold, and it felt like the very best days spent on campus as a student. We snuck into classrooms at Gregory Hall, and the girls sat at desks in some of the rooms that I learned about journalism, philosophy and history. Greg Hall smelled exactly the same, and it was like a warm, comfortable blanket. Ever reliable for the way it always was and likely ever will be.

I spent Saturday night at the DI, in their fantastic new building on Green Street. It's not where I worked while I was there (20 years ago now, YIKES!) but it still feels like coming home.

And that's the key. The audience at dinner ranged in age from 93! to current students. And though not tied by years spent working together, we all enjoyed the same experience of working for the paper. We learned the sense of camaraderie and teamwork was the very same in 1935 as it was in 1985. It pretty much is the same in 2008. The connective thread is amazing, so that even if you don't know each other, you kind of know each other, if that makes sense.

I was so happy to be there, sharing the experience of my "home away from home" with three young women I love, and lots of friends that I love too.

I can't wait to go back!

so how late was he?

Today I went to Chicago State University to cover a dedication of the "Emil and Patricia Jones Convocational Center" at Chicago State University. It was a lovely event, and a gathering of the powerhouse Jones family with Emil's son, Emil III getting ready to take over dad's seat in Springfield, and a tribute to a man who spent most of his adult life in politics.

So, Blagojevich was there. A half-hour late. Which is early for him. This particular government official doesn't wear a watch, and regularly shows up late anywhere he is expected to be. I once waited upwards of two hours and 45 minutes for him to show his face at an expected appearance, and I am not kidding.

The bigger picture of this is that it reminds me how disrespectful it is, not to the news media in particular (though it is) but to people like Emil Jones, who was expecting to dedicate a building at 10AM that had his and his late wife Patricia's name on it.

I suffer my own shortcomings when I need to be on time. I recognize it, I admit and I am working on it. I have friends who are ALWAYS on time (Patti) and those who are NEVER on time (not mentioning!)

But I am working on it, and hanging around the guv certainly makes for a good reminder on how to lose friends and alienate people.

Get a watch.

every day is a new blank page.

Ooops, sorry for those who got the blank email just now! I accidentally sent without writing. Quickest read on the Internet!

My dad was over last night. He summed up the election in three sentences:

She's an idiot. He's old. Do you want her running the country if he dies?

(I just wanted to share that lug nut of wisdom with you!)

I had some great things happen to me this week. I have a great new opportunity to grow my business through a partnership with Drama Queens here in Mokena, which hosts little girls dress-up birthday parties. Thank you Nickey, whose eyes and ears are spectacular! I am ironing out the details, but it looks like it will work. I also received three calls from people wanting me to do work for them.

The Sox made it into the playoffs, and it's a good thing it's a five-game series. Boo Devil Rays.

After this year, I hope to never work another Christmas as long as I live. I said that out loud today.

I am continuing in my Divorce Care class, which I really enjoy. I have met some great people, and the friendships are shoring up for the long term!

The best bit of wisdom I can share came from class tonight:

Every day is a fresh start, every day is a blank page in the re-write of your story. Even when things don't go as you had thought, hoped and wished, you still have that blank page. Decide what you are going to do with it, and re-write your story.

On a sad note, a girl I knew from high school, Karen Praska, died this past weekend. She was 41 and had a great husband and four children.

Her life was way too short. Please keep her in your prayers.

it's my birthday!

And even though I already celebrated with the best group of friends ever assembled, there is still some magic waking up on your birthday. My beautiful daughters fixed me breakfast in bed, even after I yelled at Becky for coming downstairs and looking in the fridge at 9:30 last night. It was the best breakfast I ever had.

I had good dreams, instead of the nightmares that I have become plagued with recently.

I received emails and calls from family and friends, and a surprise gift from my neighbor around the corner, Kris, who has done for me to help with the kids than I could probably ever repay.

It's a beautiful day and I am happy to be entering a new year for me, filled with possibilities, happiness and my great life.

I am so glad you all are along for the ride.

plan b.

I was at Divorce Care tonight, a support group that I joined that is really helpful and really a nice way to spend my precious time.

We watch a video, eat snacks and then break into small groups to talk about the video.

Tonight the topic was anger. However, the coolest thing I picked up tonight was not about anger at all.

One person in our group was talking about how you make a lot of plans while you are married... where you live, where you'll raise your kids, what you'll do when the kids move out, and where you'll retire. When you divorce, all those plans get tossed, and that can make for a very rough time for a person.

Our leader, who is now happily married for the second time, responded that those are all plans that get tossed, and when you get divorced you have to adjust to being on your own. You alone are responsible for the decisions, and its a learning process. You just have to go through it. So, you make new plans. And just when you start thinking you have it all figured out, something happens, like meeting someone new, and those plans get tossed as well.

We joked about that. "Plan B."

The best "Plan B," our leader said, is to have no plan.

I like Plan B.

the best things that happened to me today.

The sun rose and shined all day in a deep blue, cloudless sky.
I stayed out of the office most of the day.
I was reminded that Ernie is definitely my buddy!
I was invited to talk about Ponz at the Daily Illini dinner next month.
I donated gift certificates to the DI raffle.
I got to talk to my therapist and we decided I am doing good :)
I talked to both my little sisters today.
I talked to Tommy and Timmy Quinlan and they made me laugh.
I have a positive balance in checkbook.
Ed invited me to a Texas Hold 'Em tournament.
I got to listen to the girls sing along with the HSM soundtrack.
I ate ice cream for dinner.

What happened to you today?

living on the dash.

It's the new sermon series at Parkview Church, thanks to Pastor Tim Harlow. I am just spreading the word!

What's on your bucket list? If you knew you only had 30 days to live...
What would you do? How would you live those days?

The whole point is living the dash between your "start date" and "end date." That little tiny dash is really all you have. What are you going to do with it? How would you like to be remembered?

It's a thought-provoking concept, and I spent a lot of time thinking about it yesterday. I took my journal and started writing. Some of the items, I try to do daily. I really do. I try to be thankful for my very good life. I try to enjoy every minute I have with the girls. I try to let my friends know how much they mean to me, and how blessed I am with a great girlfriend family.

But, I would worry less about how much I weighed and savor the food I eat. I would breathe deep and enjoy the surroundings I have. I would pay more attention when the girls speak to me.

I would also leave a legacy of photographs for them. I would organize photos in books for them, and I would shoot a million photos for the next 30 days.

I would invest time in my photography business and document as many families as possible.

My list goes on a little longer, but you get the idea.

If you feel like sharing, tell how you would live your dash. It's pretty liberating!

Have a great week!

it's my name, don't wear it out.

I talked with Michele and mom at my cousin's lia sophia party Friday night. They were writing out checks for their purchases, and asked to whom the check should be written to. Michele commented on how weird it was to write Jean Lachat again.

I told her that's my name. I like it and it suits me very well. I am glad to have it back.

Then, I worked the baby expo all day yesterday, promoting my photography biz. It went great! There were tons of families interested in what I am offering, and I will follow up with them this week to try and book myself silly.

This morning as I got ready to take a shower, I started thinking about the booth, and why exactly I enjoyed it so much.

This is my new baby, my very own business, and my name is splashed across every facet. I am personally invested, and I am responsible for its ultimate success or failure.

Knowing that failure with me is never an option, I like the fact that me, myself and I am responsible.

I don't like counting on other people. And that spreads across every facet of my life.

Granted I do depend so much on so many people in my personal life. And that bridge is amazing and strong and never lets me down. And the friends I have have lent their support, unconditionally, to this new gig in various and continuous ways.

But, the fact that I am driving the bus (as we say at the paper) is a powerful responsibility and I like it!

Jean Lachat has a nice ring to it. I think she will do great.

the funnest day ever.

I took the girls to the Disney on Ice show Tuesday night. I don't particularly enjoy the ice show. They are okay. Some are better than others. But we get tickets every time the new one comes to town from the PR firm that handles the shows.

The girls love the ice show, so we go.

This one was a silly little story about the Incredibles at Disneyland. They go for vacation, Syndrome tries to take the place over and the Incredibles save the day. I dozed through most of the second half, waking up enough (barely) to drive home. As we left the UC, my dear, sweet little Jessie is holding my hand. I ask her, "So, how did you like the ice show?"

She responded, "It was great. This was my funnest day of my life, ever."

Hard to argue with the funnest day ever.

I felt pretty good about that. Not that this was a huge sacrifice or anything. I did get to show them the Michael Jordan statue and school them in his greatness. (To which Becky asked, "When did he die?") But I was happy to have done something that meant something for them.

We do it all the time. We wash, we clean, we cook. We take them places, we do stuff with them.

But nothing quote compares with having a hand in the "funnest day ever."

I hope to have another one of those very soon.

vroom. vroom.

I've revved it up a notch in my professional career today.
Once again, I was treated to a brand new experience which I would have never had the opportunity to have were it not for my career choice.

That can be both a good and a bad thing.

I spent today at the Joliet Speedway, embedded with the Luczo-Dragon Racing team! YEAH, baby!

To say I am not a racing fan is an understatement. In addition, I know nothing about the "sport," nor do I respect people who regularly and willingly drive over 200 mph around a cement track surrounded by other cars. I don't get it, and I don't want to get it. It's much easier just to sit back and make fun of it, which I regularly do.

So, by luck of scheduling I get this assignment. And it wasn't bad. And now I've done it, and I hope to never have to do it again.

However, I always do feel lucky to be thrust into new experiences, even the unwanted ones. It builds character!

Here are the five most interesting things I learned today:

1. Car racing is very, very LOUD. Even by my standards.
2. The tires on race cars have no treads. Unless it rains. Then they put on treaded rain tires.
3. Indy race cars cost upwards of a million bucks each. When they crash, it's a million dollar crash. That's a big bummer for the owner.
4. All girlfriends of Indy race car drivers, owners and high level crew members look exactly alike. They are rail-thin, with straight long hair, usually blond, and they wear tank tops with tight black pants and aviator-style sunglasses.
5. Nascar racing is vastly different from the Euro-style Indy racing. And the cars aren't as cool.

Embrace new experiences. My photos will be in next Sunday Sun-Times.

God willing.

it's the season.

Fall is usually known as a season of dying. Trees are turning colors and losing leaves, and summer is drawing to an end, with the weather a little less warm every day. The sun also starts taking its time rising in the morning sky.

It's my favorite time of the year. My birthday falls in September, and never having been a huge hot weather fan, the arrival of this month, even as a child, always signalled that better days were ahead.

And then there's football, which gives me joy like no other sport. I love the game - its strategies and toughness. Nothing is better than a day like today, spent inside a stadium or curled up on the sofa watching the Illini play!

I reach my 41 st birthday in just a couple weeks. I usually take some time to look back over the past year and see where I was and where I am going. I expect great things for and from myself this year. I am on my own, and finally starting to feel like myself again.

I am celebrating with dinner and drinks with my girlfriends. These are the people who have stood by, and stayed by me through a really challenging 40th year. I want to thank them for keeping me up and about and living a life that is worthwhile, generous and kind even when you think it isn't. I am happy to share my favorite season with them, and I wish happy new beginnings to all of them.

I know I can make it through this next year with them beside me. And for that, I am so thankful.

why I had a good day today.

I really didn't want to, but geez... someone up there wanted to make sure I did. I don't know why, but I am a little cranky today. By all rights, I shouldn't be, but it's just one of those days, where you are like, "Man, I am CRANKY today." Must be because I had to go to the office, which next to hell is probably my least favorite place to be these days.

So, my girls are back home, which always makes me feel better. I know it's been a while, but every time they go away, I just miss them. No matter what kind of week I had with them, it is still very difficult to hug them and send them to someone else's house for three days, and in this case, four days because of the holiday. The house is eerily quiet and I am not the type of person who is good at being alone. I hate it. So I am always very excited to see them again when they are home.

I go into my email at work, and here it is, a lovely note from Lou and Tom of Burbank. I shot photos of their cat, Oliver, a few weeks ago, and they were the nicest couple. Just really, truly nice people. I talked to them for about 45 minutes, and enjoyed every minute of it, which is still what I love best about my job... the people and experiences I get to have.

But I digress...

Lou sent me a photo and a really great note thanking me for coming out! See it at the right!
And if you'd like... Ollie's story

How can you have a bad day after looking at something so freaking cute? And I am not even a cat person!

Anyway, so I am not as cranky as I was. Which is my lesson for today:

Don't be cranky.

oops there goes a republican.

This election, if nothing else, is definitely the most interesting in my adult memory. It's great that an election can actually cause emotions to stir and allow people to want to be informed about the candidates.

So much for US apathy; there is so much going on, most people I talk to can't wait to hear what happens next.

So, there's Palin, a female, running for vice-president. A mom of five kids. A republican. Make that a Republican. Do you find yourself on her side because she is a woman? I refuse to play that game. I worked too hard to prove myself as able and willing and dedicated as my male counterparts in the workforce; I expect the same from any woman, especially one seeking to be second in charge of the US.

Make sure you get informed now, so when you vote in November, it will be an educated decision.

Maybe she'll win me over. I am a hard sell to vote republican in any election. But at th very least I will make sure I have my good reasons when I cast that vote in November; and it sure will be an entertaining coupla months!

Stay tuned!

a mother's love.

Wow. I sent out an email for my photography business and I received a response from my friend, Joni, a vet with whom I had the good fortune to meet and become friends with when Butkus joined the family in 1994. Joni stuck through all my obsessive worrying and problems with that damn dog for most of Butkus' life. I would bring Butkus with me and visit her whenever we were at PetsMart (the site of her practice), and we shared our stories about life, dogs, and the real dogs in our lives.

Joni's son was eight when we became friends. She had already been divorced from his dad for a couple years, and this kid STRUGGLED. Not just with the divorce, but with life. He was always getting into stuff he shouldn't: running away, shoplifting, and later on experimenting with alcohol and drugs. Every time I would talk to Joni, she would have a new story about the latest "adventure," with her wild child. I was amazed by her. She was steadfast and true to this kid, loved him, unconditionally and completely, though it had to be so hard a lot of the time. She remained patient and kept trying to get him the help he so desperately needed.

She never gave up on him.

Joni emailed me this morning to tell me she had lost her son a drug overdose. During our conversation later today, she told me it happened just last month. And that he had a two-year-old son who is in a terrible situation in his own right. She cried so hard, her love still as generous as it had been during his all-too-short life. I tried to reassure her that she had indeed tried so hard to help him; she welcomed the words I had for her.

I know a mom's love for her child cannot ever be measured in a way that makes sense, but the love Joni had for her son was truly amazing. Please keep her in your prayers, and hug your kid tonight, for all the things they are, and for being everything to you.

really cool websites.

I spend way too much time on the computer. I realize that. Everyone who knows me knows that. But it makes me feel connected, if not by voice, then by words, to those of you I would talk to five times a day if I could.

Sometimes my time spent on the Internet is not all lost. There are some really cool websites out there and I would love to share a few of my favorites. Feel free to check them out, and let me know what you think! I would love to hear your suggestions as well!

www.postsecret.com Every Sunday, PostSecret shares postcards sent in by people all over the world, sharing bizarre, unusual, touching and sometimes really close-to-home secrets. It's voyeuristic and fascinating. I love it!

www.first30days.com I found this site by accident, and it helps you address a variety of issues by breaking it down with advice, inspiration and support over a 30-day period, followed by daily emails. Quick read and actually very inspiring!

www.timharlow.com Parkview's Pastor Tim Harlow is awesome! i love listening to what he has to say and he has a blog, too.

www.fatwallet.com This site has links with kickbacks to online stores, so if you do a lot of shopping online, sign up at FatWallet, and you can get a percentage back for your purchase by linking through their site. I always go there first to see if the store I shop at is listed!

www.mysistersgreatidea.etsy.com This is Chrissy and my etsy store, where we sometimes sell our crafty stuff. You can link to all of etsy through our store, and check out amazing handcrafted everything!

That's it for now. Have a great night!

we did it.

It was a busy weekend, even by my standards. But the highlight was without a doubt, participating in the triathlon again. Talk about feeling you accomplished something! Even without being psyched about it, it was really awesome. A beautiful day in downtown Chicago, my mom and dad and girls cheering me along, feeling the team spirit with Patti and Bill (well not really Bill, but what did I expect?) The beer afterward tasted great, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Patti reminded me to re-read the blog and start believing what I write. I know what to say, and I know what I should be thinking. Sunday I felt like I took a giant step forward toward healthy and happy again. I am feeling so much better about who I am and where I am headed. And I hope all of you are too!

Let's list a goal, an achievable goal here... for the next month.

In the next month, I will ...

Fill in the blank. I will be reading your comments and encourage you all to feel good about yourself, whatever it takes.

Here's mine:

In the next month, I will visit Weight Watchers and follow the program to the best of my ability and see what happens.

Now, YOU!

the chicago triathlon.

I am swimming almost a mile in the Chicago Tri Sunday in a relay with Patti, and my friend Bill, who stepped in when Chrissy couldn't make it in from Denver this summer to run. It's Patti and my third year and while neither of us is particularly gung-ho about it this year, we are doing it, for better or for worse. Bill promises not to have a grabber during his 10K run, and so all is well.

I was so aggravated yesterday and it was one of those days where going to the gym is the last thing I wanted to do. But I wanted to get a mile in the pool in this week and I had a 5PM appointment with my torturess (aka my trainer) Arnell, so I hauled my big butt into the car with the complaining (loudly) girls and went.

I hauled ass in the pool, swimming a mile in 31 minutes, thinking of Michael Phelps the entire way and trying to mimic the form I had watched so carefully during the Olympics. And then I thought about the 41-year-old Olympic swimmer, Dara Torres, and how awesome she must feel to be at the height of her sport in her 40s.

It was an enlightening swim for me, and I left the pool in much better spirits then when I arrived, and eagerly met up with Arnell for 30 minutes of tough love and circuit training.

We can be at the top of our game in our 40s, too. It doesn't have to be the Olympics, but anything you want it to be. Whether it's being a mom, a corporate executive (or both) a Girl Scout leader, a swimmer, runner, biker, crafter, whatever. Choose something and do it with all your heart, and with the passion it deserves and just see what happens.

Life is way to short to do anything halfway, so choose wisely. And while you are at it, I recommend 31 minutes a day spent walking, running, meditating, journaling or any form of thought (mine's in the pool) about the person you want to be and all that you have to be thankful for.

You'll be glad you did.

first day of school.

And they're off!

The gun has sounded and the girls jumped on the school bus (a half hour apart!) to go to school this morning.

Most notable? Becky didn't "feel cute." Enough. Wow! Is this what happens in fourth grade? She didn't like her hair, which I had to fix with a curling iron. Me and hair, it's just not my thing. But she stopped crying at least. Then the clothes. $300 spent on new clothes and she had nothing to wear.

Oh. my. Golly. What do I have to look forward to in Junior High?

I need to watch how I talk about myself around them. It's so easy to say negative things about myself, and about how I look, etc., that I sometimes forget about the two young, impressionable women who hear me. Any more ideas for building the self-esteem that makes them "feel cute," regardless of the day? They don't seem to believe me when I tell them myself...

Hope your school year is off to a wonderful start, filled with new adventures, new friends and great experiences ahead. Good luck!

my lia sophia sisters.

I had my monthly meeting last night with my lia sophia team. At every meeting, women are asked to come up to share stuff with the group, whether you are new to the team or have been in the business a while. One woman, brand new to the business, stood in the front of the room and shared some of her ideas.

She was totally stoked about starting with lia sophia. She looked at all of us and said how great it was to be in a room full of women; bright, creative women, who are all trying their best to make their businesses a success. Most important, she said, was the way we all support each other. Which we do. I feel very little competition among the advisors on my team, but always a whole lotta love and support!

She looked out at the crowd of 50 or so and told us how great we are... how amazing we are and how happy she was to have found us.

We applauded her, and in turn, applauded ourselves and each other.

Because we are amazing! Take a few minutes to think of everything you accomplished in the past 48 hours. And you are still breathing.

Then pat yourself on the back and call your best friend and tell her she is amazing too.

Everyone needs to hear that once in a while.

so here's the deal.

I almost, almost named this blog "Vermanada."

I'll explain later, but mostly I thought it would be too difficult to remember. So here we are at www.allmysoulssisters.blogspot.com. The blog came into being at about 7:22AM this morning as I packed my dishwasher in my pajamas.

It is a combination of several seeds planted in my overactive brain and imagination for the past couple years. First, "Vermanada."

Vermanada is a place created by my best friend Patti and I during one of our girl trips to either N'awlins or SamandTonio. I can't remember which. It is a fictional place where best friends live with their kids only, a commune-like setting to escape to when they finally ditch their husband because he is too annoying, and are able to live peacefully among the sisterhood, happily ever after, with the person they would like to spend the rest of their lives with, their best friend. The name is a combination of Vermont and Canada, which at the time, were the only two places legally allowing same-sex unions.

Then, fast-forward a couple years. I am divorced (surprise!) and one of my other friends, Deb, says during one of walks around the park near her home,"Wouldn't it be great to have a place where women, in Mokena, but anywhere, really, could go and ask a question or advice, and other women could help them out by offering advice and suggestions?" She pointed out that my friend Cathy and I have a divorce and daughters in common, so we are able to relate and help each other when a problem comes up related to our situation. Deb said, "But maybe other women, not necessarily divorced, could offer that same kind of support. Because somewhere, someone else has had to be in the same situation sometime."

I agree.

Then there was Parkview's Pastor Tim's (PT's) August sermons about the book of Ruth in the Bible, and the provident hand of God, Divine Intervention (DI), and how He is constantly and gently leading us in the direction we need to go in life.

Last night I was reading Redbook, with my two daughters snuggling me out of my big bed, and there was an article on blogging. It was the same vein: blogs that have gained momentum in helping women with advice, or support, or just by making them feel not-so-quite-alone on any given day.

And then, my own DI, in my kitchen at 7:22AM. I am blessed with constant DI. You probably are too, so if you think you're not, you are just not paying close enough attention.

So, here's the blog and we'll see where it goes. It's something that I need to do and I welcome your comments, suggestions and contributions as together we can laugh, cry and be each other's sisters of the soul.

Pass the word. It will be a great ride.